I had not long been married when "experts" told me I was "barren".
I was unprepared for the effects the words " infertile" would have as they seeped into my consciousness. I had always presumed that fertility was a given, as my ancestors had always been most fruitful, bearing nine or ten children a piece!
The pain of childlessness would sneak up on me whilst sharing a quiet coffee with my husband in some shop or small cafe. Should a toddler or babe in arms pass by, the grief and emptiness of it would tear at my heart. At times I struggled to hold back the tears. Not for just one child lost, but the prospect of having no children at all.
A waitress would often give my husband a spiky glance, innocently presuming he was the cause of my distress.
But time passed, and after some years God granted me my hearts desire.
That first soul God sent to our care, brought us deeper into the mystery of the incarnation. How filled with love was the moment when Mary and Joseph beheld Jesus for the first time? This and many other questions filled my days.
The more I became a mother (because I had to learn along the way) the more I looked to Mary, the Mother of God. I did this when changing nappies, in times of frustration, in sleepless nights and in days spent in exhaustion.
When my patience grew thin, I tried to turn to Mary. I consciously decided to think of serving Jesus when serving my children.
For their sake, I wanted to learn "holiness" and yearned to go on all the parish trips to Holy places. But I was not free to do that. A Friend said to me in my struggle "once your children are grown, you can do something in the church.."
Meaning I think some kind of evangelical work.
Instead, I read what I could of the spiritual classics, and learned that my path was not so much something I had to create as I went along, but in accepting my present situation, and to find God in that.
My confinement to the home had been a blessing. I would not have discovered this had I busied myself on some parish outing or other. (Our heavenly Father knows when we need a litle enforced discipline!)
On the evenings my husband worked late I recited the rosary as I watched over my sleeping baby. This practice drew me closer to the best of Mothers, and there I began to understand the sanctity of Motherhood.
Between the prayers of the scriptural rosary and before the tabernacle, I recognised the supporting role of Mary and the humility of Christ in the Eucharist. It made me love Him all the more in recognising His vulnerability in the tabernacle, was that of a baby.
I learned that I could be close to Jesus, by recognising Him in my children. I could serve him right here in fulfilling their needs. In this, I could even ask to emulate Mary.
I now understood the wisdom of the saying that each child is a "gift".(Not something to be taken for granted.)
For parents the path to sanctity is in the service of their families. Their spouses and their children.
Each passing year unwraps the continuing wonder of parenthood.
My work within the church did not begin when my children had "Grown up", but right now, each day with them, in my own home.
John.14
[23] Jesus answered him, "If a man loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. "
PHOTOS: 1.The Joyful mysteries Gnettes art (C)2006 2. Child Jesus in the tabernacle artist unknown.
